Thirtysomething Mama

inspiration

My dear friend Heidi is on a mission.  A mission to fulfill a dream.  I want her to win.  Please vote for her.

one word answers

I read this over at Alicia's blog last night and thought it would be fun.

Where is your mobile phone? charging
Where is your significant other? out
Your hair colour? ash
Your mother? strong
Your father? hilarious
Your favourite thing? Jackson
Your dream last night? frightening
Your dream goal? create
The room you are in? special
Your hobby? knitting
Your fear? anxiety
Where do you want to be in 6 years? happy
Where were you last night? home
What your not? selfless
One of your wish-list items? baby
Where you grew up? suburbia
The last thing you did? bake
What are you wearing? loungers
Your TV? enemy
Your pets? fish
Your computer? BFF
Your mood? calm
Missing someone? Kris
Your car? non-existent
Something your not wearing? socks
Favourite shop? anthropology
Your summer? busy
Love someone? always
Your favourite colour? blue
When is the last time you laughed? morning
When is the last time you cried? afternoon

Play along.  Would love to read your answers.

 

news

A little piece of news to share.  The child care managers are heading to Toronto for a big conference and it was announced about a week ago that they would be taking a senior supervisor with them.  We had to submit our reasons for wanting to go and they would then chose a person.  Yesterday, at the end of our 2 day workshop they announced I would be going with them.

I am so excited, yet so sad to leave Jackson for 5 days.  When I really think about it I second guess my decision.  I have such wonderful support from my family and know Jack will be just fine.  It's my own issues that stop me. 

What I know for sure is a woman's life stops, in a sense, the moment she becomes a mama.  Everything that mattered doesn't seem to matter as much now that there is a little one to care for.  And because nothing else is more important there is this constant internal struggle to continue trying to balance who you are now with who you were before.  Does that make any sense?

What I mean is, for me, going to work each day to look after other people's children is my struggle.  I wake up wishing I could just be with my son.  Then, I get to work and I am so caught up in all I need to get done that the day goes by without a call home to see how he is.  I come in the door feeling extremely tired, but look down at this sweet child who has waited for me and somehow muster the energy and enthusiasm to start all over again.  He deserves more of me, but by the end of my work week I feel like I have so little to give.  My internal struggle...

Back on the topic of me going to Toronto.  I know in my head this is such a great thing for me.  Maybe it will boost my enthusiasm about work.  After all, my life still needs to have things that are solely for me.  What kind of mother would I be if I had no life experiences to share with my child?  He needs to know I think beyond our little family and he needs to know I have tried to make a difference in hundreds of children's lives.

Wait a minute...that line I just typed really got me..."he needs to know I have tried to make a difference in hundreds of children's lives."  I need to remember that to. 

you never know when you will need it

I just happened upon a lovely blog awhile back and have enjoyed reading about Stephanie and her family so very much.  I was shocked to hear of the terrible accident her and her husband were in this month and I have thought about her everyday.

Even though we have never been in any kind of contact, I feel a longing to do something.  I keep thinking you never know when you might need help.  I feel like, as part of the wonderful blogging community, many of us women and mothers, we need to help each other.

So I am donating to Stephanie and Christian's cause.  I hope you will do the same.

very interesting...

Take a look at this. 

I can't believe they used me.  Now, you must read the whole essay to appreciate the "and want to stab a fork in their hand" quote.  I sound scary!  I am flattered they thought I was worth mentioning.  I am going to keep pursuing this writing thing...

momoir project comes to and end...or does it?

Well, my writing class has officially come to an end, and boy, was it amazing.  4 classes were not enough, and I left wanting more.  Last night for our last class Cori invited us all to her house and conducted the session in her backyard.  We drank sangria and ate yummy food while we shared our essays. 

We had been told the class before that a writer for the Globe and Mail was going to sit in on our evening.  I arrived and was immediately asked a few questions.  I am excited to see if an article will be written about the class.  Maybe my picture will even be in there.  Sucks I was having a completely horrible hair day. Humidity and curl do not mix!

Anyway, I felt like the class was so worth it.  There is talk of another round in the fall.  I hope so.  I am going to work through my piece a little more and then send it to Cori in hopes of her leading me in the publishing direction.

You never know what can happen...

oh, the stories we can tell

Can you believe my writing class is almost over? The final class is in a few weeks and I must get to work on my final project.  The group of women I have met are all so amazing.  Each so different, yet so much the same.  We are connected by the fact we are all mothers.  I have continued to learn these last 17 months, as a mom, that I am not alone.  My issues are also someone else's.  We all have a story to tell.

My writing has been plagued by self doubt, the need for perfection and lack of time and commitment to the process.  I have found it hard to find the time to sit down, uninterrupted and let my thoughts and ideas flow.  We were asked to have the beginning, or lead as it's called in the writing world, ready for tonight's class.  I whipped mine off over the weekend, not feeling quite satisfied.  I was feeling lost. 

I walked in tonight telling myself to be brave and ask for feedback.  I decided I would read first, something I have not been willing to do the last 2 classes.  My topic is an emotional one.  Marriage.  Marriage after child.  I read and guess what?  They liked it!  Of course Cori gave me suggestions and ideas that I will for sure use, but I must admit, I felt proud. 

I am learning I am too hard on myself, as I think many of us are.  I am learning to feel confident in this new endeavor and just allow myself to follow this path.  Wherever it will take me.

such a small world

I have been a huge fan of Heather and her website Dooce for quite sometime now.  I was excited to hear she was going to be in Vancouver this past Friday night, but I ended up not being able to go and meet her.  Today I was out with my parents, sitting at the Yaletown Brew Pub enjoying a few happy hour beers and pizza, when I looked up and saw Heather walking to a table behind us.  I couldn't believe it! 

I am kicking myself I didn't have the guts to go and say hello.  I mean, what did I have to loose?  Absolutely nothing.  I am such a chicken.  Anyway, it just goes to show you how small the world really is.

a new journey begins

I walked out of my 1st writing class feeling excited and inspired.  I rode the bus home bursting to share all I had experienced.  Sitting there with these 8 lovely women I realized I am really capable of this.  I can write. 

I am going to be challenged during the next 2 months.  It is going to force me to look past my need to be perfect.  I am going to be asked to share my writing out loud to this group.  Even though I just met these ladies I foresee a supportive and loving circle.  I have made it a personal goal to look past my fears and allow myself to share from my heart.

We were asked to write a dedication in the front of our book.  This is mine:

This book is dedicated to my boy Jack, who I love so, so much.  It is also dedicated to Jack's mama...the journey begins.

                                                             

my journey shall begin

My writing class starts tomorrow night.  It feels like I have been waiting so long.  I am anxious and excited.  We are asked to bring a book to write in.  Something special.  This is what I found...